


Money For Nothing (and Breakfast For Free)

by misura



Category: RED (Movies)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2280756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Oh, come on. Last night was at least a hundred," Frank said.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Money For Nothing (and Breakfast For Free)

"Fifty," Han said. Low-balling, clearly, which was fine, a perfectly valid strategy for negotiations.

"Oh, come on. Last night was at least a hundred," Frank said, because if that was how Han wanted to play it, then fine, that was the way they'd play it. "Two hundred."

Han scoffed.

"Babe?" Sarah said. "I think your second number should be, like, lower than the first one?"

"Whose side are you on here, huh?"

Han looked amused. Han was a bastard.

"Hey!" Sarah said. "Tone it down a bit, mister. I'm not the guy who's working off a fifty million dollar debt because he blew up some other guy's plane."

"Oh right. Like it's _my_ fault Bailey picked his plane to escape on. One-fifty."

"Well, maybe if you hadn't _stolen it_ in the first place - "

"You came to kill me!" Frank felt it was entirely justified to steal someone's plane when they'd come to kill you. Perfectly reasonable. Positively mellow, actually, now that he thought about it.

"That wasn't anything personal. It was just business."

"Business, my ass," Frank said. "You gave them a five mil discount." Han looked unimpressed. "He gave them a five mil discount," he told Sarah. "To kill me."

"See? He's a really nice guy."

"Really nice guys don't kill people for twenty million dollars."

"Well, he didn't, did he?" Sarah said. "So there. Hey, would you give _me_ a discount if I wanted you to kill someone?"

" _Honey._ "

"Just, you know. Theoretically."

"Sure." Han shrugged.

"No, you wouldn't," Frank said, and then, to Sarah, "He wouldn't. He's just saying that. Besides, come on, baby. You don't want to kill anyone, do you?"

"Sometimes."

"You don't mean that. She doesn't mean that."

"How about that guy in Caracas last month?" Sarah asked. "You didn't want him dead? I mean, you kind of killed him dead pretty good."

"I killed him dead?"

"He was nasty," Sarah told Han, who nodded like he completely understood what she was talking about. Which he didn't, because there was no way Han could have been in Caracas without Frank spotting him. He hoped. "A real piece of work."

"Good thing somebody killed him dead, huh?" Han said.

"That's not how English works. All right?"

"Yes, it was. A really good thing," Sarah said, a little too loudly, and with the kind of defiant look Frank knew and loved all too well.

"Okay, so, hey. Would anyone like a cup of coffee? Some breakfast, maybe?"

"We could have breakfast in bed."

Frank tried not to grimace. Failed. "There'll be crumbs."

"Tell you what," Han said. "You actually get me some decent coffee this time around, I'll make it one-twenty-five."

Sarah mouthed a _see? he's a nice guy_ at Frank.

Frank mentally replied with a _yeah, sure, for a contract killer_. "One-fifty."

"Fine. One-hundred-and-fifty thousand."

Sarah beamed at him. "See, babe? You're doing great."

"Great," Frank echoed. "Right. I'm down to - what? Thirty-seven mil?"

"Forty-one mil eight-hundred-fifty-six thousand three-hundred-and-twelve dollars and sixty-four cents," Han said. "There's a four percent interest rate."

"Of course there is." Frank didn't know why he felt surprised. Or bitter. Hurt, perhaps. A little.

"It's pretty good," Sarah said. "I mean, it's better than that mortgage deal you turned down at the bank."

Frank considered pointing out the mortgage deal had been a really bad one, even if it hadn't come with the option of reducing his debt by engaging in perfectly legal, moderately fun and only occasionally slightly humiliating activities.

"I'll go see about that coffee, huh?"

"You do that," Han said. "Honey."


End file.
